Archive for January, 2008

it is opposite day

this has always been my favorite car from the 70s–when they really produced so many irresistibly attractive cars.

i’m so glad they brought it back!

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so, i’ve been thinking about this topic for a while. i love that phrase “you learn something new everyday” because, while not always precisely true, it is a lovely idea. i love learning new things. the other day, robert at espresso espresso told me that while people often stumble in come morning time asking for a dark roast, but in the evening prefer a light roast, dark roast actually has less caffeine, because it’s dissipated during the long cooking. now that was interesting. however, sometimes i learn new things, and i am embarrassed that i didn’t learn them years and years ago, like the time my peers might have.

for example, not until driver’s ed in 10th grade did i learn that this:

does not tell drivers that they are in the middleish part of california, where i in fact was, as i grew up there. (if you need such a broad landmark to tell you where you are, you probably should not be driving. however, this never occurred to me. i mean, look at california:. you can see the similarity in shape, can’t you?)

another example happened just THIS YEAR. you know the phrase, “smooth move, ex-lax?” now, i always knew when you would USE this phrase, but only a few months ago did it dawn on me, the EXACT meaning of this phrase.i never had thought it was a particularly clever expression, but my curiosity went no further. now i know.

i know i have other examples of this. i actually find them really amusing. i don’t always find it easy to laugh at myself, but in this case i can’t help it, and i invite you all to laugh at me.

and in addition to marveling at what an idiot i can be, i will anticipate eagerly the next epiphany that everyone else in the world already knows.

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not crafty

ok, here is my most prominent new year’s resolution.

i’m going to stop pretending that i will ever make anything. i don’t have the patience. i won’t peel the labels off those wine bottles and make a collage. i won’t use the adorable sur la table gift boxes i got for my wedding as matting for a picture in the kitchen. i won’t melt down all those used candles into new ones (though i HAVE done that, once.) what i WILL do is throw/give away/recycle all that stuff i was collecting to craft with, and stay away from michaels.

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i’m mean

people, people. i’m not unsympathetic (well, i can be). nor am i unrealistic (not sure about that one either). i know some people aren’t great spellers. it’s not that big of deal, though it does bug me. what’s sad is when that flaw is inflicted on these people’s children. permanently. in the form of an unphonetically, non-traditionally spelled name. i mean, if you want to spell kelly KELLEE or KELLI, fine. within the confines of the english language, that works. or if you want to spell sean, SHAUN, great, that follows all the rules. but i wish that there was an advice nurse that grilled women before they left the hospital. “are you SURE you want to spell the kid’s name this way? it really doesn’t look the way it’s pronounced, and no one will ever get it right. are you ABSOLUTLEY SURE???” because, i have come across these unfortunate names in various places, and i bang my head against the wall. and really, i don’t always blame the mom–she may not be fluent in english or have any education. but, someone help a woman out! so, i blame nurses. some names have been left off the list, due to the fact that they may or may not be related to me.

1. gabriele. for a boy.

2. kiaya. this was meant to be “kaya.” i think the mom combined “kaya” and “kaia” and got this ridiculous combination. i thought of her as “kee-ya-ya.”

3. gyno. for gino. this is an NCAA basketball player. too bad it looks more like “vagina doctor.”

4. deeby. for debby. poor girl has to introduce herself by saying, “i know it looks like deeby, but it sounds like debby.”

i know there are more, and i look forward to adding to the list.

while i’m on the subject of pet peeves, can i mention when people misuse the word “I” when trying to be gramatically correct? “please call my husband or I at home.” Me is not a dirty word. sometimes it’s the right choice.

and here’s something i learned from a family circus cartoon: use “fewer” instead of “less” if you’re talking about something that you can count. i.e., drink less alcohol, make fewer mistakes (those are two unrelated examples. i don’t believe that sentiment for a second.)

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